This past Thursday was my last clinical day on the floor at the hospital. I have to admit I was rather relieved. Most of the time the last clinical day is bittersweet. This semester it was mostly sweet. I really didn't enjoy the nursing care model we were working under, I felt frustrated with the lack of "personal touch" that the RNs applied. The CNAs did most of the patient care and I really missed that. I missed giving a bed bath and talking to my patients. One of the best ways to earn a patient's trust is to provide their daily care. I know RNs give meds and assess patients, but that personal touch always creates a bond that nothing else can. It's kind of like "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" -- I never knew how much I would miss that aspect of patient interaction.
I learned alot of valuable lessons on the nurse I don't want to be this semester. I guess that's a good thing? I didn't enjoy the assembly line aspect of care at this particular hospital - everyone had a designated job and don't you dare try to do someone else's job or you'll have hell to pay! I like providing holistic care - the WHOLE thing. I don't see myself ever working at this facility in the future, just based on their nursing care model.
Now the semester enters into the "final countdown". ATIs, Final Exams that are worth 30% of my grade -- EEK! I have never had a final exam be worth that much. That grade could really help or really hurt. Scary! I also have a PowerPoint presentation to give on 4/18 based on a case study paper I wrote a few weeks ago, and a final simulation on 4/25 -- then clinical is completely over. My last final is on May 8th at 12:30 so my 2:30 on that day my summer will begin! It's hard to believe there is only one semester left on this journey! WOW!
I tried to be honest with my clinical professor about my disappointment in my clinical experience this semester and she seemed to take offense. Don't ask someone for their honest feedback if you plan on being defensive! I didn't learn what I expected to learn (no new clinical skills -- like hand's on stuff) but I did learn a lot about the psychosocial aspect of patient care (almost every single patient that I had had some cognitive or mental status issue) which was valuable -- it's just not what I expected to learn. I don't think it was a totally waste of time, but I do think that I expected more than what I got. My professor twisted that around to mean that because I was unhappy with my experience I was no longer applying myself -- she speculated that I had "checked out". That is clearly NOT me. Anyone who knows me would know that! This is negative aspect of the preceptorship, because I spent a bulk of my time with my preceptor and not with my clinical instructor - she never got a chance to know me. If she knew me she would never think that of me. I find that frustrating.
So I put Med/Surg II clinical behind me and march to my future and the closing of this novel called Nursing School. It's still scares the crap out of me that a year from now I will be working and holding patient's lives in my hands without a preceptor or a clinical instructor to fall back on. Scary scary thought!
I don't think I have any words of wisdom this week. I am sorry! But I will substitue this cartoon that I found because I think it's really cute. . .
I pray I am the nurse that delays someone's arrival into heaven. Amen.
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