Monday, September 24, 2012

I am not a quitter...

I keep repeating those words to myself.

I started playing the flute in fourth grade.  I still play today.  I am not a quitter.  I started playing the piano when I was 10 years old.  I still play today.  I am not a quitter.  I have finished triathalons.  I am not a quitter.  I have completed a Spartan Race.  I am not a quitter.  I got married 13 years ago and love my husband more today than I did the day we got married.  I am not a quitter.  I gave birth to two children and even though times got rough I never put them up for adoption (that's a joke...).  I am not a quitter.  I finished grade school.  I am not a quitter.  I finished high school.  I am not a quitter.  I finished college the first time.  I am not a quitter.  I will finish nursing school because I am not a quitter.

For the first time in my life quitting has actually not just crossed my mind, but sat in it for a while.  When I first started nursing school I never imagined in a million years it would be this hard.  How hard it would be to take care of my family, be a good wife and mother, keep a house and go to school.  This is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  A big part of me wants to just walk away and go back to my happy stay-at-home mom life where I baked cookies and ironed shirts and had time to take my kids to the playground or just time to sit and let them read me a book.  I miss that stuff.  I miss just being a mom and a wife and a friend.  It would be so easy to just jump ship and walk away and go back to that carefree, stress-less existence.  But then I would be a quitter -- and I am not a quitter.   I keep trying to tell myself that over and over again.  I am not a quitter.  I AM not a quitter.  I am NOT a quitter.  I am not a QUITTER.  I AM NOT A QUITTER!!!!!

I am so thankful for my amazing family and friends who encourage me when I feel like I can't take one more step.  I am thankful for the shoulders to cry on when it seems like nothing is going right.  I am thankful for the help with my kids.  I am thankful for the dinners that are made me for me every Tuesday by my amazing friend, Erin.  I am so very thankful for each and every person that gives me the courage to keep going.  I am not a quitter.

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