Friday, September 21, 2012

OK God, I am slowly learning. . .

I am ever so slowly learning that God is at the helm.  I try to waddle along down the path with my chest sticking out proudly, but at the end of the day He never fails to remind me that He is the one in charge.  Sooner or later I will just realize that there is no sense in trying to swim against the current.  For now I will just keep giving Him the opportunity to sit back and shake His head at me saying "tsk tsk."

Let me explain.  Wait, there is no time, let me sum up (a little Princess Bride fun there).  When I registered for this semester I originally chose a Thursday clinical day for Med/Surg.  Once I was enrolled it dawned on me that with care plan prep taking place the evening before clinical, my participation in Kyrie Road (the praise band at my church) would be jeopardized.  This really stressed me out as the band is very important to me.  I resolved that I would find a way to make it all work and went on my merry waddle (down the path, remember?).  A few weeks after registration was confirmed I got an email from the secretary of the nursing school telling me that the clinical section I had chosen for Thursday had been closed and I had been re-registered for a Friday clinical section.  No explanation, no recourse, it was done.  Initially I was miffed, naturally, but then I realized that a Friday clinical would postpone my Wednesday night care plan prep to Thursday night and my night with the band would be undisturbed.  Thanks God, I appreciate the favor, although I know you knew exactly how it would play out right from the get go.  I can only imagine you sitting there smirking, shaking your head at me.  I happily surrender to Your majesty.

So today is Friday, my med/surg clinical day and it was fantastic.  My patient was pleasant and cooperative and a joy to work with.  I was running around busy all day, but I quickly "got my groove on" and things went along well.  I did have one "oopsie" but was corrected for it and a lesson was learned (always report a temp over 100.4 to the nurse in charge!).  I had a great day, got to do, watch and learn a lot of interesting things and left the hospital feeling really good!  What a fantastic feeling.  After bumbling through the week and breaking down a few times along the way (yes, there were tears shed this week out of pure exasperation and   the feeling of being completely and totally overwhelmed) I finished the week doing what I love -- taking care of people!  It gives me a bit more stamina to continue along this semester's uphill climb.  "Always gonna be another mountain.  Always gonna want to make it move."  I just take it one day at a time and try not to look too far into the future.  So far I have 4 weeks in my back pocket and I am plugging along, slowly making progress toward the finish line.  In case you haven't noticed, I added a countdown clock to the blog.  At first I had the countdown to graduation, but when I saw that it was 400 and thensome days, I decided against that.  I need to see more progress and smaller numbers!  I decided on just the semester countdown and I take great joy in watching those hours and days tick away.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

One discouragement of the week was my pedi exam grade.  81.  Bleck.  90 used to be my cutoff of acceptability but after the rude awakening directly related to the difficulty of nursing school I was forced to reduce my acceptability to 85.  If things keep going the way they are I will just be thrilled to pass!!!!  LOL!  After talking with several fellow students (at least a dozen) I come to find out that almost everyone scored in the 70s!  :-O.  These are fellow students that I know put the time in and really make an effort to do well.  That made me feel a bit better.  Not entirely better.  But a bit better.  I have to remind myself that I did my best.  I put the time in.  I read the book.  I took notes.  I made a study guide.  I was married to that Pedi book for the last two weeks.  I could not have put in any more effort.  I did my best and that is all I can do.  I am hoping that Pedi clinical (which starts next week at Hasbro Children's Hospital) will be rewarding and will make up for the crappy lecture part of the class.  When I am at the hospital I feel at home.  I feel like it is where I belong.  That is what gives me the drive to keep on keeping on.

It's Friday night at 8:10pm and I am sitting at a computer updating my blog.  The next step is to climb into bed and get 12 hours of sleep to help me to stop feeling EXHAUSTED!!!  My daughter asked me the other day "Mommy, what is wrong with your face under your eyes?"  I had to explain that lack of sleep causes dark circles under my eyes.  Even my kids notice that I look like I am deathly ill.  Scary.

So, in closing, I will say that every time I doubt that I am on the right path, God steps in and hands me an obvious reminder -- affirming that I have my courses set correctly.  I thank Him for that and I have to apologize to Him for not trusting Him as much as I should.  I am slowly learning and before long I will "get it" and I will stop wasting so much energy swimming against the current.  I promise.

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