If I had a nickel for every time my kids didn't listen to me, I would be a millionaire. Maybe even a billionaire. I talk and most of the time they don't listen. They think they know everything there is to know and that they can do it perfect the first time. Who am I? Just their mom with lots more life experience than they have -- but in their eyes that counts for just about nothing. Am I right most of the time? Most of the time I am right and they learn the hard way that their was was not the best way. I hopeful that they walk away having learned a lesson -- and keep that lesson in their back pocket for future use. That's all I want for them.
It's kinda funny, this week I felt like the headstrong school aged child who thinks they know everything. I make my choices, which are not always the best ones, and I think things through in my head believing that I am the master. Over and over again, God leaves me little signs everywhere. More like giant billboards that I am often too busy to even notice. They are there. They are HUGE. There I go trudging on by like the naughty child who doesn't listen and He NEVER gets angry with me. He NEVER turns his back. He just keeps leaving that little trail for me to follow -- like Hansel and Gretel with the breadcrumbs (only I am lucky enough that the birds don't come along and eat them!) Like the devoted Father that he is, he continues to be patient with me and allow me to make my mistakes so that I can learn my lesson and hold it in my back pocket.
Last week I was ready to throw in the towel. I was overwhelmed and feeling hopeless and just wanted to quit and go back to my happy life of being a stay at home mom. Monday was an overwhelming day at school -- so many tests, papers, projects and the feeling that there just wasn't time to get them all completed (to my standards). Tuesday I woke up at 4 AM to head to the hospital for my first day on the floor at the Children's Hospital. I was grouchy about the early wake up, overwhelmed from the day before, and feeling cynical about my nursing school journey. I grumbled to my husband about probably being assigned to some difficult teenager on the floor and I hit the road for the "big city". Turns out my patient was the most adorable five year old with special needs who had an amazing mom and the day wound up being FANTASTIC! I kinda felt like God got so fed up with me and my cynicism that He took the build board down off it's post and just decided to whack me over the head with it. Luckily, I paid attention this time. THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. I am in the right place. This is where He wants me to be. That's when it hit me that I am no better a listener than my children and that I need to learn that I don't know everything. He holds the plans.
I wrote my first Pedi care plan this week. 6 hours. Yes it took me 6 hours. And it is worth 1.6666% of my grade. Three care plans total 5%. One down, two to go. For 1.66666% of my grade. 6 hours is a lot of time to put in for less than 2%. But it is done and there's two more to go and I can do this. I can.
Friday was med/surg clinical and I got to go to the OPERATING ROOM!!!! It was fantastic! I got to see a robot assisted laparoscopic prostatectomy. Totally fascinating! The surgeon sat at a giant machine and looked like he was playing a video game while a robot performed the laparascopic surgery! It was crazy! The patient lost 50 mLs of blood. With an "open" prostatectomy (where the cut the whole belly open) the average blood loss would be 300-400 mLs. That is AMAZING! I then decided to go with this same patient to the PACU (Post Anesthesia Care Unit, AKA the Recovery Room) to see what goes on there. I am so glad I went!!! I really liked it there. I could totally see myself being a PACU nurse! Labor and Delivery still tops the list, but PACU is a close second! The nurse that I was with was AWESOME! I really enjoyed being there and working with her. The patient woke up with very minimal pain which was good for him! I had a great day! I am so relaxed and at ease when I am at a patient's bedside -- then I go back to lecture where the walls cave in and I get overwhelmed all over again.
This week I have a Med/Surg exam on Monday, a care plan due by Friday at 4:30 (the one that took 6+hours last week) and a paper due on Friday, followed by another exam in Pedi on Tuesday. See what I mean? It never ends. I never get a break.
Today was my daughter's TENTH birthday so I took the day off - didn't open a book all day. Tomorrow it's back to the grindstone to finish preparing for Monday morning's exam. It never ends.
I am going to do my best to be a good listener from here on out. I don't want God to have to whack me with anymore billboards. I am still searching for that "peace that surpasses understanding" but I am getting closer, I just know it.