Friday, November 15, 2013

The Beginning and The End

I remember waiting for my first pair of nursing school scrubs, and a real reason to wear them.  I anticipated that day like a little kid waits for Christmas.  When I got my first pair I was so proud to wear them.  It made me feel so special to have that maroon uniform on - like I was a distinguished scholar or something.  The fancy embroidery with the school name made me feel so distinguished.  When I took those scrubs off for the last time today I have to admit I felt conflicting emotions -- part of me was sad that this chapter is ending but most of me was thrilled about where I am going.  I may never wear those maroon scrubs again, but this is by no means the end -- it is really just the beginning.

            1. Then came the day when I got my first hospital ID badge.  How exciting that was!!  I had a photo and a real ID and it made me feel like I was someone super duper - especially when the badge was also a keycard and got me into areas of the hospital that your average person couldn't enter.  That made me feel even more special.  (that id badge image has nothing to do with me or any other person that I know - LOL!)  Today I took that badge off and threw it in the center console of my car thinking the next ID badge I wear will have those two little letters on it -- R and N!YAY!

Those "firsts" seem like an eternity ago, and today I walked out of my very last undergraduate clinical day with no real pomp and circumstance.  Just walked out like it was any other day.  This chapter of my journey is really coming to a close and I haven't even had time to be emotional about it.  The semester moves forward with more case studies and classes and that dreaded exit exam on Dec. 2.  Every portion that is completed is like a 50 lb boulder taken out of my backpack.   Soon that backpack is going to be empty and I am not sure what I am going to do or feel.  Big changes are a comin' and as excited I am to see what the future holds, I am also terrified to let go of what is familiar to move onto something brand new.  I know I can and will do it, and I am looking forward to it a lot, but for now the commencement of the  transition may be a little rough.

For now I feel like even though the road ahead looks rough, I have my blinker on and my exit is just around the bend.

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