Friday, November 8, 2013

So Many Emotions...

As I wind up the last month of nursing school,and the end of the semester draws near, I find myself experiencing a myriad of emotions.  This thing that has consumed my life and defined me for the last two years will soon be over.  Will I know how to live without it?

First I am so scared.  Scared to imagine my life without the daily routine of studying, reading, writing papers, preparing presentations, obsessing about everything being perfect.  This stuff has completely consumed my life for two years, how do I function without it?  How do I not study every second that I am awake?  How do I just be a regular person?  Will I ever be a regular person again??

Then I am so excited.  Excited to see what the next chapter of my journey holds.  I can't wait to get a job and start working and taking care of patients all by myself.  I can't wait to see what else God has planned for me.  I can't wait to meet the patients that He needs me to care for.  I can't wait to form new relationships with co-workers and continue learning in a profession that I absolutely LOVE with all my heart.

I am also sad.  So sad to leave my nursing school experience behind.  To not be able to see all the friends that I have made every day and commiserate with them about the woes of nursing school.  I can't imagine not seeing all of these people on a regular basis.  We have carried each other through some very difficult times, and we have formed bonds that are steadfast and true.  It makes me teary every time I imagine not seeing them all of the time.

I am so proud.  So proud of myself for being able to do this.  I held myself together through some of the most trying times that I have experienced thus far.  I even contemplating quitting at one point.  When I look back and see the accomplishments and successes it is hard for me to be humble.  I rocked this.  I worked so hard for something that I really love and came out the victor.  I am damn proud of myself!!!!

I am so thankful.  So thankful for the opportunity to go to nursing school.  For the opportunity to touchpeople's live through some very simple gestures.  I will never forget some of the patients that God has brought me to.  They have left tiny hand prints on my heart and have made me a better nurse, and a better person.  I cannot even being to express my gratitude for this precious gift.  I found what makes my heart happy, and I get to make money doing it.  That is something that I can never show enough gratitude for.

I am so very happy.  I am so happy that I get to be a nurse.  So happy that I get to do something that I have dreamed of doing for a very long time.  So happy that I can contribute financially to my family.  So happy that God chose me to be a nurse. 

I don't know that I can even decide which of these emotions is the strongest.  I know that I feel incredibly blessed.  The people who have supported me along the way, the strength that God gave me to get through the tough stuff.  I am completely and totally overwhelmed by this gift.

 The emotions are overwhelming, but I know that it is all part of the process.  I look forward to new challenges and adventures.  That finish line is finally in my visual field.  The victory is so close I can taste it.

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